Help a Turtle Out

[ginsu_master]

"Right."

Leo is having a staring contest with the Front Door.

"Look, I need to get my brother Raph, in Tortall. So he can watch our other brother, Mikey, your Barman, give birth. ...I never said it made any sense."

Bowing at the waist, he asks, "Can you please help me?"

The door swings open...

Comments

[ginsu_master]

Oh, Leo. How many little brothers do you have? And you trust someone else's? You wonder how you get yourself into these situations, don't you?

Leo should really have an inner meta monologue. It would save him from himself. Like, now, when he knocks once on the door to the "guest room" and opens it with, "Raph. We've got to go--"

Look, he's only used to having to worry about surprising one of his brothers and they accidentally take his head off! Not-- um. That!

[becareful_boyo]

The brighter light from outside is just enough to cast a long, arcing shadow on the wall.

There's a thump.

A muffled curse, delivered with admirable gusto in an unmistakeably female voice.

Then silence.





"The only thing this one's got to do is keep right on doin' what he's doin'. Hush up, I'm talkin' here. I'd appreciate you puttin' that door back the way you found it, if it's all the same. If it's not... some places, you'd be charged to watch."

If Leo could or would catch a glimpse of Abigail's face, it's currently lit up with a wicked grin.

[mnt_raph]

The list of things that are currently dumbfounding Raph at this particular moment is growing. First it was the knock, then the sound of Leo's voice. Followed quickly by Abigail shoving a pillow at his head to shush him, and finally her attempt at what he can only assume to be a mock of his voice.

It's all a bit too much to bear, which is why when he does surface from beneath the pillow, he's no where near as verbose as his beloved here.

"Leo? What the fuck?"

[ginsu_master]

No, Leo doesn't have a meta internal monologue. He just has a regular old, very active internal monologue. That consists of, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHINEVERWANTEDTOSEETHISNEVERNEVERNEVER," right about now.

Not that it shows. With his eyes squeezed shut, Leo very politely, apologizes. "I beg your pardon."

And closes the door and hides on the other side.



Thump. Thump.

...that isn't Leo's forehead getting to know the door rather well. Not at all.

[becareful_boyo]

"Leo?"

Abigail tilts her head and looks (down and slightly... sideways, now) at Raph.

Leo. Now why does that name sound fami... Oh.

That wicked grin gets just a little bit wider as she scrambles to her feet, wraps Raph's shirt around herself (not very well), and says "In that case." just as she yanks open the door.

It's not her fault that the door sticks at the top and she's learned to pull the handle hard if she wishes to leave her room. She's been meaning to see to it, of course, but the faulty construction lies on someone else's shoulders.

Nor is it her fault, surely, if Leo's head is only a few inches away from meeting the door yet again when she removes the door from his immediate vicinity.

[ginsu_master]

Thump.






Still very polite, "Nice to finally meet you, Abigail."



Leo did not just meet his sister-in-law mid-intercourse and then fall on top of her when she was still mostly naked. He didn't. Because those things don't happen.

Why does he leave the sewer? He is never leaving the sewer ever, ever again.

[becareful_boyo]

Greetings, brother of Raph!

"Oh aye, and you."

Her voice almost cracks with barely suppressed laughter.

"Normally I like to exchange typical sorts of greetings and maybe pour an ale, first time I come across someone, but seein' as I've been wantin' to meet you for about as long as Raph's been missin' his hair... I'll take it," she grins.

If these things don't happen, then why does the woman not under Leo reach up and give his back a comforting nice to meet you pat?

Upon reflection, however, Abigail isn't entirely sure that was his back. It might have been a leg. She's somewhat hampered by the shirt, after all.

[mnt_raph]

That had better be his leg!
Not that Raph can tell either way, because he's too busy hiding his face under the pillow Abigail originally shushed him with.

"whenwillilearntoputlocksonthedamndoors...."
His muffled muttering stops for a moment as a realization dawns.

"thomas."
It's the only explanation.
Raph tosses the pillow of his face, kips up to his feet, grabs a sheet, and storms out of the room.

"Abs, I'm killin' your brother now," he calls over his shoulder.

[ginsu_master]

It's his leg! Leo decides that its his leg because otherwise, he might have a mental breakdown for a few seconds.

"I would greatly enjoy sitting with you and having time together as a family, but I must prevent my brother from killing your brother."

Really, Leo has to beat Raph down the stairs so he can punch Thomas himself. But, you know, that's details.

Somehow, Leo manages to scuttle off his sister-in-law, bow, and high tail it out the door in an almost graceful manner.

"I beg your pardon for interrupting you, Abigail!" Maybe if he keeps saying her name, she will suddenly grow more clothes!

[becareful_boyo]

Abigail remains quiet for a few seconds after Leo disappears in a burst of speed and politeness.

Then, in a voice that could shake the very timbers of the tavern, "Mind you make it quick! Thomas never could stand the sight of blood and I just cleaned that floor!"

With a nod, she stands and adjusts the shirt so she's wearing it and not the other way around, pulling her long blonde hair out and giving it a mostly useless finger-comb. Next she locates Raph's trousers and slips them on. And pauses.

Together as a family? Mithros. And how'd he end up so damn formal? Thought I was the one dinin' with too many nobles.

Abigail smiles, closes the door and casually wanders out to the main room.

[mnt_raph]

If anyone's looking for Raph, he's standing outside the kitchen door with a hammer in one hand, and the sheet he's wearing around his wais with the other.

"I promise I'll only kill you a little bit. Healer'll bring you back easy, provided you don't go all the way into the light..."

Thomas is lucky Raph's mellowed over time. He's angry enough to not care that the Goddess and everyone can see him tattoo scars and all, but still rational enough to string sentences together.

That right there is something akin to a Christmas miracle.

[ginsu_master]

"A rat," is Leo's comment when he sees Raph.

And taps Raph's shoulder to get him to move out of the way. Leo raps on the kitchen door with a knuckle.

"Thomas?" he asks. "It's all right. You can come out." Leo is the calm one! You can trust him!

[becareful_boyo]

Abigail arrives eventually, having stopped by the larder for some twine to use as a makeshift belt. Raph's trousers might be tight on him, but she'd been having trouble keeping them up.

Quite an unusual thing to think, she decides, smirking as she comes up behind Raph and Leo.

"Goin' well, then?" she asks conversationally.

[mnt_raph]

Raph does a double take.
Not only did he not hear her walk up behind them, but...well, lookit what she's wearing!

His eyes narrow.

"You're enjoyin' the shit outta this, ain't you?"

[becareful_boyo]

"Mayhap a little," Abigail tells him. And by a little she means a lot. "But look. I brought you your clothes."

She smiles cheerfully. Raph hasn't forgotten he's wearing naught but a sheet, has he?

[ginsu_master]

Leo just shakes his head in that tolerant, loving way parents and older siblings have without looking at either of them (yes, that way that makes all their younger siblings want to punch them in the back of the head). Yup. Raph is so married and didn't tell him.

"Pants are an excellent plan," Leo agrees. "She's far too good for you, Raph," he then teases, as much as he is any good at it.

[mnt_raph]

"Preachin' to the Choir, Leo. I been tellin' her that for ages now."

There...there's a certain damn-near-palpable level of schmoop to his voice when he says that.

Oh sure he's still pissed off at Thomas, because that was a SHIT prank right there.
And...chances are good he won't be looking Leo in the eyes anytime soon.

But Abigail? All rumpled and in his clothes? That's kinda hot.

[becareful_boyo]

Raph gets a warm, nowhere near proper smile.

"He says that like I argue," notes Abigail, letting out a snort. "You two plan on knockin' both your heads against that door all night?"

One eyebrow goes up in an impressive arch.

"Plenty of drinks and seats by the fire, to keep us busy while we wait for poor Thomas to show up. It's as much his place as mine. Seems like he'd have to come out sometime."

Leo had seemed to have something on his mind earlier, after all -- some reason for being here. That didn't entirely escape Abigail's notice. Raph can kill Thomas another time.

[ginsu_master]

"I would enjoy that a great deal, but I'm afraid I must steal Raph for a short time." He darts his eyes at Raph. "The baby is coming," he explains.

[mnt_raph]

There's fewer things in the universe that'll put a damper on a guy's mood quite like hearing that his baby brother is in labor.

"....WHAT?!? Well why the fuck didn't you say so?!"

Because clearly?
This is all Leo's fault.

[ginsu_master]

Leo just shakes his head.

"Like I said, pants are an excellent plan."

[becareful_boyo]

"Aye, they can be," Abigail nods.

Depends on the situation, of course.

She glances at Raph, decides he's been dealt one too many surprises this evening to be much use, and instead focuses a steady look on Leo.

Sweetly: "Where're you stealin' him off to, then?"

[ginsu_master]

Leo glances at Raph over Abigail's head before meeting her eyes. "Our youngest brother's home," he answers vaguely.

[mnt_raph]

What Raph really wanted to do was pinch the bridge of his nose, but when he moved to do so he was reminded of the fact a) he's still wearing a sheet, and b) he's still holding the hammer Thomas threw at him.

One of those has to go, and quickly.

"She knows," Raph says to Leo while handing the hammer to Abigail.

Ahh, sweet blessed facepalm. How he's needed you.

"Right. Right. I'll get my gear. FUCK."

With that Raph turns and goes back towards the ...er..."guest room."

[becareful_boyo]

"Well now." She nods slowly. "I see then."

It sounds like she truly does. A steely look in her eyes, she nods at Raph and doesn't so much accept the hammer as take it right out of his hand and look like she might like to whack someone (probably Raph) with it.

To Leo: "How fares Mike?"